Water, Water and Water!

This last weekend I went to our annual Women's Retreat. It was such a great time of conviction, enjoying my sisters in Christ (and my real sister) and just taking in what God has been doing in my life. The past few years have been extremely trying and I constantly find myself looking for a "solution" for all the areas in my life that seem to be falling apart. Part of what Beth Moore spoke about in her video series "Loving Well" was how we are to love others trusting God to fill our well and overflow us. One of her phrases was "God will not love THROUGH us what He will not love TO us."

I find this consistent with scripture and have seen it clearly at different times in my life. Proverbs 11:25 says "Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and he who waters will himself be watered."In so many instances we have given and later, clearly see God give right back to us. Even when we did not give out of our need He still continued to bless us just for blessing others. I see it weekly with the use of my time alone!

Now, many of you young moms probably feel as I do - we do not always see the rewards for loving our children or spouses right away. After all, a 6 month old doesn't have much skill to really "water me" back :) But God is so much bigger than what we can see or even comprehend. His blessings aren't limited by a person's ability, by a person's time or abundance. I've often see God bless my husband's work after committing my efforts toward blessing my family instead of searching for my own rewards.

After this weekend, I have a renewed sense of God's promise to provide for me. He provides not only all my material needs but also works where I don't see to keep me from going off the deep end emotionally. When I wake up feeling at the end of my rope yet choose to act according to His commandments of love, fully trusting the Spirit of God to work in me, somehow, I make it through the day with incredible peace. Not to say I won't continue to face trials or that my days will be filled with ease, but I do know that loving others without hesitation is the only way to allow God to fill me up. When I am already full of His love yet refuse to water others, I will only remain how I am and won't experience the amazing reality of God's active love. This love is alive and constantly moving the hearts of His believers to give to others who are just like us -  people who don't deserve God's love but people who God desperately desires and gave everything for. What could be a greater calling in life?

The Story of Joesph

Asher has an iphone... don't worry, it doesn't have service or anything, but we put a couple movies on there for him to watch on and off. We recently put the movie "Joseph - King of Dreams" on his phone and it has really made me curious about the biblical version of this story. I was surprised to read that much of the movie is very accurate to the real story (Genesis 30-the end).

What really impresses me about the story of Joseph is the blessing upon his life everywhere he went. That, and seeing God's faithfulness over and over again throughout his entire life. I think there are few people in the bible who's entire life is so well documented - David, Moses, Paul and still more but they are the exception. Over and over again, God makes Joseph prosper in every position he is in - as a slave and ruler in Potipher's house, as a prisoner in a jail and lastly as a ruler over most of Egypt. Even in jail, he was in charge of all the other prisoners!

It is such a blessing to see stories of people's lives where God is faithful to the end. To see Joseph's life fully restored is something we don't often see happen to many in this world. Many people live and die without ever seeing lost family, fixing strained relationships and saddest of all, never coming to know God for the gracious and loving God He is. I have been so surprised and blessed by the things I've been reading in the Old Testament. I've also been challenged, realizing how little I actually know and discovering that my lack of knowledge is only due to complacency and not actually paying attention to what I read. Seeing God's faithfulness to so many people throughout history has given me renewed hope and trust in His promises. I hope this little excerpt on Joseph will encourage many of you to look at God's word with a desire to know Him more and grow in your faith as well. I am sure you'll be surprised at what He will reveal to you.

Nothing Much to Say

I don't have a verse or a thought specifically to offer up tonight. It's been a while since I wrote and I feel that I can say with honesty, I have been busy :)

I found one reason why I haven't felt as close to God lately as I have in the past. When I was childless and had a working vehicle I drove A LOT!! I drove to West Linn a few days a week, out to see my sis a day or two, down to Coos Bay 4-6 times a year... and I almost always listened to Christian music wherever I was going. It made me sad to realize I am missing out on a lot of time I used to spend hearing God's messages, thinking about Him and praying for others. It's hard to imagine getting that time back anytime soon, at least getting it back in a way that is as convenient as it used to be. I never realized the full impact children would have on my life.

I hope that you single and childless women can take this posting earnestly and consider the abundance of time and freedom you have. Because honestly, no matter how busy you are, you will not have any more free time or just plain freedom available to you once you have kids than what you have now. I get much more done in a day now than I did before children - they force you to make the most of your time! So I attempt daily to make the most of what I have. And that includes attempting to learn what God has for me and act on the impulses He gives me to serve, pray and just get closer to Him. I still struggle to know Him and understand His depth of love and concern for me, but the more I gain that understanding and wisdom, the more I will desire His will and be content with the life He has planned for me. My hope is for you to desire a relationship with Him; that you will toss aside what you do out of convenience and make sure life doesn't just "happen" to you, but that you allow God to bless you with His love and life He wants to give you.

Public Opinion

Just a few interesting thoughts from what we've been reading in Acts during church.

We read through Acts 21:1-14 this week in church and it was very eye opening for me. We had already learned that Paul was feeling the Holy Spirit moving him to Jerusalem but that he was also being told by the Spirit that he would be bound and suffer while he was there. He was also in a hurry to get there for passover which must have been such a strange feeling - being in a hurry to go somewhere you knew you would suffer. 

Acts 21 though, was describing the interactions Paul had with the people in Tyre and Caesarea and Paul reactions to all of it. Our pastor Steve brought up a few points that have really stuck with me. We normally think of temptation in reference to doing what other people know is wrong but Paul here was being tempted by loving Christians and leaders whom he respected, to turn from where the Spirit was calling him. It's just another example of Paul's dedication to the future of the gospel and the work of the Lord.

Another idea that Steve brought up goes against what many "popular" Christian pastors and speakers preach, which is that God wants you to have all good things and wants your life to be  filled with "stuff" that makes you happy and fulfilled. I've heard a very popular southern pastor actually say "If God takes away your car, you can put your faith in Him to give you a better one." Really? Umm, that isn't exactly what the bible says... in fact, Jesus' preaching encourages us to see that all we need is God and that all the material possessions we desire and take security in are fading and in fact, can bring us further from God.

Anyway, both of these things have made me think about the purposes God has for me and where I am placing my confidence - a subject I think I've talked about before and am always bringing up. Paul was so confident in God's leading that despite all the pleading from people he loved (people who were genuinely worried about him) and despite the public opinion of the church and other leaders, he still stuck with what God was telling him. People would have completely backed him in a decision to stay and serve in Tyre or Caesarea but he insisted on going where he knew he would suffer. And I don't think it was because the Spirit was more clear with him than it is with us today - we have the same Spirit available to us each moment we breathe. Paul was so incredibly dedicated to God's purposes that he stayed in constant communication and just did was he knew he should. 

Steve said that the road to following God's plan for us is not often the one paved smoothly, but the rocky, hard road that is filled with troubles, suffering and trials. This road though, has an eternal joy that cannot be met at any other place and brings eternal rewards that are unmatched by anything this corrupted world can offer. I pray that God makes me able and gives me the courage to believe this as deeply as Paul did... I am confident that God's plans for our lives contain far more than what we settle for and I want to stop settling. 

The Temptations

In my mind, being tempted has always seemed like a certain situation. You're standing there looking at something you really want and you're tempted to steal it or someone is being really mean to you and you are tempted to hit them. God has really opened my eyes lately as to what temptation and salvation are and how I can get a better grasp of them in my own life.

In church we've been going through the book of Acts and we recently came to the chapter where Stephen gives the testimony of Christ's deliverance and thus, is stoned to death. Here's the passage if you'd like to take a minute to read it... Acts 6:8-end, all of chapter 7. He basically gives an account of God's people throughout history. We see that he is pointing out to the Jews that over and over again that they have refused the deliverance of God. We see them desire to be in bondage again in Egypt rather than on their way to the promised land. Then they prefer to wander the desert instead of going into the promised land. They pleaded with Aaron to give them a god they could see, one they could control, instead of surrendering to the God who would give them everything they desired. Israel constantly rebuked and killed prophets coming to them with God's word and Stephen reveals to them that they did the same with God's son Jesus. 

Our pastor really pointed out the idea of us rejecting deliverance. He talked about people wanting to live in their sin rather than surrendering to God, which is very true and sad. But I began to realize how much of my life I did not want to be saved from. My selfishness, my anger, my control and my desire to be better than everyone (yes, sad but true). And it's all because I don't want to admit that I need help! I don't want to change but I have no idea why! God has given us a way out, even from our own personalities and bad habits. There is a freedom we were given in Christ's death... to have power over sin! Yet even us believers continue to wallow in our sinful nature instead of asking God to truly change us.

"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, to those who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit, For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin; He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit."
Romans 8:1-4

The past few weeks have just really awakened me to all the things in my life that are so out of whack. I really aim to serve myself, I am not concerned for the well-being of others and I get so personally offended by others who are simply living the way I am as well. Even though it doesn't feel like my idea of temptation, I saw that I was constantly tempted to react to people and situations in a selfish and unloving way. A change in my heart was certainly overdue but I didn't even want there to be one. I saw myself like the Israelites who would rather stay in bondage than surrender themselves and live in peace. This was just one of the many times I've simply had to confess to the Lord that I am selfish and I don't want to change but I know that I am living in sin and don't want to continue down that path. 

It really has to be God changing us. If we're doing it ourselves, it's only out of selfishness and pride and it will never reveal the love of Christ to others around us. I'm still working on all these things, but let us be reminded daily of our need to turn over our emotions, reactions and our thoughts to God... He is the only one who can make good use out of them.

What am I doing

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless."
Psalm 84:11

In our women's bible study this verse was one we were to look up and write our thoughts on. I guess I was a little surprised by it. I realized how little I actually believe what it says. Don't get me wrong, I know in my head that this is true and that God only desires good for us but that is so incredibly and completely different from knowing it to a level that changes your life.

We've all heard the phrase "Actions speak louder than words" and many Christians have heard the verse "By this all will know you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35) but it doesn't really sink in, at least not for me. The truth of this phrase and verse convicts me to really live out what I believe. To love everyone as Christ does and to give of myself more than I expect others to give to me. Our pastor challenged us at Easter service saying "Do you live like you truly believe that all your actions will be rewarded at redemption?" 

When I think about how much more I could be working for God's kingdom instead of myself I realize how little I cling to our Heavenly rewards and our hope of redemption. Instead of seeking to glorify God I spend all my time trying to promote myself. I wonder what good things I am missing out on and how much better I could know our God. If I honestly believe that God desires only good for me then I NEED to be living as if He was everything that mattered to me. And we all should, because at the last moment on this earth we will clearly see how true it was that EVERYTHING rested in God alone.

Credit Where Credit is Due

"For she did not know that I gave her grain, new wine and oil, and multiplied her silver and gold - which they prepared for Baal."
Hosea 2:8

The women's bible study I have been going to at Creekside has been such a blessing to me. I've only been involved in BSF before so I figured there would be a bit of a learning curve to how things were done in this new setting. But the women are so easy going and you can tell they really love the Lord. Everyone is included in the discussion, we pray for many needs within the church and it is just a great arena to give and receive support. 

Anyway, this really does lead into my thoughts on the verse in Hosea. We are going through a study in a book called "A Heart that Dances" by Catherine Martin which I must say, I was a bit skeptical about at first :-) It sounded a little cheesy but I decided to just start the study and see what I could get from it. Really, it is the farthest thing from cheesy and is actually one of the most inspirational things I've worked on and read for a while. There are lots of pieces of work within each lesson from great Christians throughout history - people who speak of God in such a way that you can just tell how intimately they experience(d) God in their lives and how real He was to them. 

And that is what this book is for - to learn how to know God and experience His presence in our lives. We started out in Hosea learning about what God called Him to do and witnessing God's interaction with His people demonstrated through Hosea's relationship with the woman he was called to marry. It gave me such a new perspective on true grace - I never realized how unwilling I was to accept things without expectations of performance or anything in return. It's wild to think of God really giving that kind of grace... and it's even crazier to see how we (mere humans thought up by God) think there is honestly something we can do to make up for accepting that grace.

Our discussion in the study eventually led to us talking about God's provision despite our flaws (like how He provided for Israel despite their idolatry) and that is where this verse really impacted me. I realized that 1 - it's not my job to worry about how I am provided for at this time in my life... and 2 -  even if it IS Mark's job, ultimately God is the one who takes care of all our provisions, whether we realize it or not. We can try and take comfort in a job that pays enough, or superior budgeting skills or any of the ways we try and make sure we are secure, but it is all a veil that covers our eyes and deceives us. God is the only one who can do a thing about meeting our provisions. This isn't to say we ought to be careless with what we are given or to use this as an excuse for not paying attention to providing for our families. We ought to take comfort in seeing God's provision despite our ability to give Him anything in return and let that drive us to recognize His presence in our every moment. I know we will be surprised to see how He works.

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